My journey with adoption began before I was born. It was the 1970s unwed pregnancy was still a hush-hush topic, shrouded in shame. 

She gave birth to me in a medication-induced haze , and then I was the one who was whisked away. She never saw me or held me. She signed the paperwork that said she was giving me up of her own free will and was not coerced.

I don’t have a conscious memory of the first hours of my life, but I’m pretty sure it wasn’t a lot of fun, and on some level, I probably do have a memory of that time that I hold in my body and carry to this day. In those days, it was believed (and a lot of people still believe this) that an infant could be separated from its biological mother and given to another caregiver, and, as long as its basic needs were met by someone, the infant wouldn’t know the difference.  I believe the infant very much notices the absence of the biological mother that it has bonded with in the womb. I believe that I felt my birthmother's absence in every cell of my body, and knew thatsomething had gone terribly wrong. Fear, rage, powerlessness: this was my introduction to the world.


Its been 40 years and i still have trouble with affection, i shy away from physical touch, more likely than not because for the first 5 days of my life,  i was left alone in a nursery awaiting my adoptive parents to be allowed to see me and touch me.  i was never held by my biological mother let alone loved by her.  being adopted isnt something that goes away, its not something that you can forget, it stays with you, it haunts you, thats why adoption reform is so much needed.  people deserve to know their original birth names! they deserve to know their biological families names! they deserve to know their roots no matter how good or bad!!! 
adoptive parents wonder why sometimes their adoptive children are acting out,,,HELLOOOOOOO these children have suffered a loss! A genuine and real loss! they lost the first person in their life that they had a connection too. its real!!!! children need to be given a chance to grieve that loss! sometimes the grief is accepted at an early age, but not always the case! my son was  ok, and i thank god for that, but i believe its because we have an open and honest relationship with kayla, he may feel the loss of his bio father, but i believe dans love and time with him will elivate all issues!!!